I'm the Queen, my panty hose say so!

On the heels of the last post, I will tell you about something that God is currently working on in my heart. I have let my mind be consumed with negative thoughts about my physical appearance, more specifically, my weight. Before I go forward, let me go back a little.

Before children, I didn't struggle with my weight. I wasn't a chunky child, thick teen, ample adult, or a bulky bride. (How'd ya like that alliteration?) Now, I don't say all of this to say that because I didn't have a weight issue growing up, I am better than people who did. Not by any means. I say it, because as our circumstances in life change, so does our focus. When I married, I was the "ideal" weight for my height and build, and almost never thought about my size. I was still wearing jeans from high school. Shortly after I got married, I had surgery to correct some female type problems, ahem, and was given medicine to shut everything down. This was in hopes that I would be able to conceive in the future. (Thanks be to God, we have three beautiful children.)The problem is, the stupid stuff shut everything down, alright, including my metabolism! I gained 20 pounds in 4 weeks. (I jumped the whole alphabet in panty hose in one month) I believe I must have developed an unhealthy physical attachment with those pounds, because they are still with me today. Hmph. Not only that, they invited a few friends to come and live with them, a few after the first child, a few more after the second, and a few more still after the third. You get the idea.

Since the birth of my first child, I have not been able to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, or even within 20 pounds of it. Okay, who am I kidding? I'm not within 50 pounds of it :( It's so hard. I don't think a day goes by without me; wishing I could lose weight, thinking about how to fit more time in to exercise, looking for that new thing to try, or calculating how much money I would save if I didn't have to put foundation on 6 chins. The point is, my thoughts are sinful. I have traded contentment with Christ for conviction by culture. I have allowed advertisements and society to dictate what is of value and acceptable, instead of looking to God and His word to place the value. "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2 Somewhere between Richard Simmons and Weight Watchers, I lost my discernment. You see, I forgot that man only sees the external, but the God sees the heart. "For the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:12 I forgot that be beautiful than look "beautiful."

Now, don't hear all of this and think, "Yipee, I don't have to do anything with myself, and I can eat Little Debbies all day long." On the contrary, we should take care of these precious bodies that were bought with a very dear price. We need to understand that no facial cream, organically grown vegetable, or multi vitamin will lengthen our lives, even by one day. However, our stewardship of our body is an offering of thanks back to God. We need to take care of ourselves, physically, mentally, and spiritually. But if we are seeking after the Lord's will, and being "transformed by the renewing of our minds," we won't be neglecting our bodies, minds, and souls.

So whether it is your weight, your complexion, your hair style, or some other insignificant, outward entity, don't let your focus on the external let you neglect your internal relationship with God. In the end, there is only one thing God wants you to be consumed with, and that's Him!